the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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