ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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