last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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