fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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