I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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