i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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