I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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