bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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