sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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