I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
