I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
