Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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