Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
