my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
