Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drake has all the answers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
