I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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