I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
