oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
