Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
