Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
