I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
