Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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