Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
