The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
