If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
