just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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