My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
