i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
