Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
