2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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