Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
