he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Text me some of your sweat
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