Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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