We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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