you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
