What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
