hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bring money and cleavage
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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