youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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