I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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