well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
