DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
