I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
