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He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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