I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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