i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
