Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
