You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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