Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
