i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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