I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
