this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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