Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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