Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
