Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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