so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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