You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
