3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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