seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
