I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
