he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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