Can Purell be used as lube?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
