why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
