I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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