to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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