so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
