I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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