Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
