I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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