Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm really busy with my period
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