There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
