Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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