I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
