Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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