i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
