Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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