I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
