imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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