i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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