guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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