I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
