Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
