3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
