took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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