Your face is a jimmy john
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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